Bay Area Wedding Photographer
I would say I’m getting better – although that would be truer if I posted this a few weeks ago, while we were still in 2019… Oh well, that means there still is room for improvement so I’ll take it. (UPDATE 2021: I forgot to post this – Let me say I had pregnancy brain and then the entire world went crazy, so there, it’s not all me). Bay Area Wedding Photographer Best of 2018
2018 was a very very special year for me. It was a year of wonder and breakthrough. I cried a lot that year, while realizing things I should have known all along, like… There was guilt and shame I felt my entire life. It’s funny how things are a certain way and won’t change unless you start messing with them. I believe in therapy and in the fact that anyone – everyone – could benefit from it. I’ve been going to therapy for years for a lot of different reasons. Living abroad, far away from loved ones, traumas from childhood, food disorders, grief and loss, family issues, self image and esteem…
Sometimes it takes a lot of trials to find a therapist that will be able to help you. I hated some of the ones I’ve tried. One of their first questions is often: “why are you here?” – Good luck answering that one in one session.
2018 made all my years of going to therapy – all all the money because it’s anything but cheap – worth it.
It started differently than other years: my husband and I had just bought a house and moved in. I wanted to repaint the entire house. I was the fattest I’d ever been and I felt miserable in my own skin. In the end, it took me two months to finish the first room, our bedroom. I’m such a perfectionist sometimes!
But the room was done and so I gave up on painting the rest of the house. I started trying to lose weight again and exercising. I had tried before but, for some reason, in 2018, it all came together.
And then during one session before going to France for the Summer, I had the beginning of my breakthrough – I won’t bore you with the details but it came down to “the guilt and shame I had felt my entire childhood wasn’t mine to bear”. Just like that. After hundreds of hours of therapy, it became so obvious and so true that I felt lighter than ever when I said it out loud.
From then, losing weight became easier. Still hard, but… manageable. A few days later, I went to France and had that crazy long wedding during which I made a friend – that was awesome. It didn’t last but it made me feel good about myself, too. And I had that wonderful trip planned to Iceland.
Iceland was where it all came together – where I came back together. A few days before my couple got there, I scouted all over the country to find the best spots. I hiked. I pushed myself. And for the first time, probably ever, I was capable of so much more than I thought. I felt strong and proud, I felt like all my broken pieces had finally been glued back together. The tiny shards of shattered versions of myself melted back into one – that was the best feeling I ever felt in my life. It was under a depressingly white sky that kept raining on me, all elements were so raw there, maybe that’s why I did so, too.
2018 kept on going with amazing moments, braving those elements for beautiful pictures, falling, laughing, sharing and opening up. It was about getting closer to my family and friends while not letting anyone bring me down. And it was about finding that damn balance I had been searching for forever. I danced it out, I cried it out, I ran it out and boxed it out, pushing myself harder and further than I ever could. All the feelings, all the pain, all the deception… And because it was expressed… It no longer held so much power over me. So yeah, this is my best of 2018, but really, 2018 was my best of. Ever.
Bay Area Wedding Photographer Best of 2018
Anne-Claire Brun Photography – Bay Area Wedding Photographer
Best of the year – other years